Support and Freedom
In the 20 plus years, I've worked as a therapist, I've realized that I attract clients who struggle with some of the same challenges I have in my life.
Mostly I attract caretakers.
Caretakers have the most challenging time manifesting and asking for support. Ask me how I know. 😜
When my husband and I had our first daughter, he constantly asked me to let him help. I was sleep-deprived and on autopilot as I struggled to do the feedings, diaper changes, and anything else I could manage to accomplish. When he asked if he could help, I would say, "I got it!".
I wasn't used to anyone offering to be so wholly available for the hard stuff, and honestly, I didn't know how to receive it.
I didn't consider that my baby was also his baby. He wanted to care for her just as much as I did. I was robbing him of that experience by not opening myself up to his support.
The good news is that I quickly learned that I couldn't do it all and that life worked better for everyone (especially our little one) when I learned how to accept his support. I learned a great deal from this experience. I realized that my husband's support created the space (freedom) I needed to care for myself and tend to my own needs when I needed it most. This realization has become a foundational principle in our relationship and is a part of why we work well together. We ask for and open ourselves to receive one another's support. We show up for and support each other, and for this, I will forever be grateful.
We can use support to create relationship freedom in our relationships by:
1. Create a peaceful environment.
Support isn't just about asking for help or leaning on others for support. It also looks like creating and cultivating an environment of peace. Think of the places where you feel most at ease. What are the sounds, sights, scents, and feel that embody the space? Once you envision this peaceful room, seek to recreate it in your own home. What colors make you feel most calm. What scents bring peace of mind?
I would imagine that your peaceful vision does not include yelling, accusations and insults, right? Seek to create the peace you seek in the words you use, your tone of voice, and in your energy in general when you interact with your loved ones. Create a safe and peaceful space for your loved ones and allow them to do so for you.
Supportive relationships liberate us and bring us peace most of the time. Yes, relationships can be intense, but they shouldn't feel this way every day or hell, even most days. If you are having more difficult days than calm ones, it's time to reevaluate the relationship.
2. Show up fully in good and bad times.
When we are fully present (physically, emotionally, and mentally) for our partners and ourselves, no matter what, we cultivate an environment of support and enhance our sense of freedom. Knowing that our loved ones have our back and will be present and seeing that we would do the same strengthens our relationships.
Be there for your loved ones in times of celebration as well as times of disappointment and heartbreak. Allow your loved ones to be there for you as well.
3. Be a part of the solution.
Work together to solve problems. You're going to have them, and it won't be easy. It's not enough to point out that there is a problem between you and your loved ones. It is equally vital for you to be a part of finding a solution to the problem. Sometimes it requires compromise, practical communication, or, in my case, allowing our loved ones to support us.
I'm sending you lots of love as you learn how to embrace supports that liberate you and your relationships.
So there you have it. We've completed our month-long exploration of freedom and how to create more of it in our relationships. Our freedom focus has been so much fun, and I have learned and shared so much.
I'm grateful for this experience, and I'm thankful for you!
Free virtual hugs! ❤️🤗❤️
Danielle
