Boundaries and Freedom
We are continuing our conversation about, you guessed it, freedom! Today we're exploring boundaries and freedom. It may seem counterintuitive to think that boundaries create freedom in our relationships, but they do. Let's talk about how.
Imagine yourself in a dark, fully furnished room. Your eyes are open, but you can't see. You may be groping the walls and the furniture as you attempt to navigate around the objects in the room. You may even feel around the walls for a light switch or a door. You feel unsure and maybe a little panicky as nothing in this room makes sense, and you're not sure how to move around without banging your shin on the coffee table. This essentially is what it feels like to be in a relationship with no boundaries.
Relationships without established and respected boundaries and hard to navigate. There are constant misunderstandings, arguments, conflict, and hurt feelings. We feel like our feelings, desires, values, and personal space are constantly being violated.
Essentially having a relationship without boundaries is like moving around in a darkened room. We are constantly hurting ourselves because the rules of engagement of the relationship have not been firmly established or, in some cases, respected. When we create boundaries, we suddenly find the light switch in the room that supports us in seeing clearly and successfully navigating the space or relationship.
So, let's talk about how boundaries liberate our relationships.
1. Boundaries clearly communicate how we want to be treated.
When we can let our loved ones know how we'd like to be treated, we have a greater chance of it happening. Often people expect their loved ones to understand how to treat them without making a request or having a direct conversation.
This doesn't work because although it would be nice, most people can't read our minds. They also don't behave, think, speak, intuit, or act like us. We don't get our needs met because we aren't directly communicating our needs. We then get angry at their loved ones for not taking better care of us.
By clearly communicating how we would like to be treated, we establish boundaries and let our loved one know that works for us and what doesn't. It helps people understand how to be with us and show up, which solidifies the relationship and sheds light on the rules of engagement.
2. Boundaries create a solid framework for the relationship.
Many of us have been told to not tell people what we want because we will be taken advantage of or, worse yet, seen as being needy or too demanding. This makes it difficult for us to clearly communicate how we would like to be treated and leaves others to treat us the way they best see fit. It leaves them groping the walls of a darkened room of the relationship as they try to figure out how to be with us.
Once we've given ourselves permission to clearly communicated our likes, dislikes, and preferences in our relationships (establish boundaries), we have established a solid framework for the connection. Our loved ones know what makes us tick and vise versa. They are freed by learning how to be with us and can navigate the relationship without the mystery and potential pitfalls.
3. By communicating boundaries, we will see whether the relationship will work for us or not.
When we know more about how our partner wants to be treated, we can decide whether or not the relationship will work for us. Perhaps the rules of engagement for our partner feel confining. It is also possible that we may not show love in a way that works for them. Another possibility is that we are excited about how our partner wants to be loved because it completely aligns with our own vision of love.
Either way, clearly established boundaries allow us the freedom to know whether the relationship will work for us or not because we know what the relationship requires.
So go forth, create boundaries, be free and prosper!
Love,
Danielle ❤️
