How to Trust Again After A Heartbreak

We've all been there. We've given our all in a relationship. We fought the good fight. We were willing to grow, be open, set boundaries, and risk opening our hearts again to build a successful relationship. We learned to actively listen and respond with love and compassion. We challenged ourselves to be understanding and compassionate. We practiced forgiveness and cooperation. We dared to hope that love would work out for us this time.

But it didn't and we find ourselves feeling heartbroken, angry, defeated, and ready to throw in the towel on love. There were many times I seriously contemplated being a nun and moving to a convent because I was "over it!" (but not really). My attitude was, "Why bother, why take the risk to trust again? It doesn't seem to be worth it!" Sound familiar?

I've been down this road many times and I offer you a few points to help you get unstuck if you've had or are currently having the experience of not knowing how to trust once your heart has been broken.

1. Take the time to heal, don't just jump into a new relationship.

We build trust within ourselves first by taking the necessary time to heal. So many people jump from one relationship to the next quickly to avoid hurt feelings. That's what triggers baggage. The untapped, unexplored hurt we experienced in the relationship that ended gets transferred into the present relationship we are in. Take the time to feel, process, and heal from your heartbreaks and disappointments so that you'll be able to complete your cycle of healing and rebound stronger than you were before. This allows us to show up to new relationships being present, available, and ready to love and be loved.

2. Get to the lesson.

I'm a student of A Course of Miracles and one of my favorite lessons is Lesson 193 which says, "All things are lessons God would have me learn." Everything that happens in our lives presents lessons for us to learn. The wonderful and exciting events that take place as well as our heartbreaks and disappointments. Look for the lesson. When we understand that our lives and relationships are here to teach us, we are no longer doomed to play out the same patterns and old outdated beliefs and behaviors that have kept us stuck in the past. Once we learn the lesson, we can trust ourselves to make better choices for ourselves in the future. So I ask...What lessons are your relationships teaching you and how can you use these lessons to create more fulfilling relationships in the future?

3. Build trust within yourself.

The truth is that people will do what they do and you can't control them. People will surprise us with random acts of kindness and compassion. They can also disappoint and betray us. It's better to place your trust in yourself and your ability to have good discernment and to learn from the past. Learn to trust yourself and your ability to know your worth. Hone in on knowing that you are deserving of love and trust in your ability to not tolerate less than you deserve. Cultivate your relationships within in such a way that you will not betray yourself because you've learned your lessons well and you now know how to best take care of yourself!

My hope and my prayer for you is that you take the time to let your heart heal after heartbreak. I pray that you learn from the past and develop a trusting relationship with yourself that will allow you to rebound stronger than you were before and dare to love again.

Be brave, be bold and be blessed!

Danielle