Freeing Yourself From Judgments
Judgments and criticisms are intimacy killers. When we judge ourselves, we erode our relationship with ourselves and demolish our sense of worth and self-confidence. When we pass judgment on our loved ones, they usually become defensive or shut down and want to get as far away from us as possible.
Learning how to accept ourselves and our loved ones builds trust in the relationship. Acceptance is an act of love. It helps secure the foundation of our sacred relationships.
Here are a few points that can support you in ceasing all forms of judgment in your relationships.
1. Be willing to acknowledge your imperfections.
We aren't perfect. We all have our unique flaws and shortcomings. It's a part of being human. When we learn how to move away from judging ourselves and show compassion for our imperfections, we are less likely to judge others.
We often judge people for engaging in the same destructive behaviors we do. This process is a psychological phenomenon known as projection. Projection happens when we unconsciously take unwanted emotions or traits we don't like about ourselves and attribute them to others. When we learn how to accept our flaws and shortcomings, we are less likely to project them onto others.
2. Understand what is motivating your judgment.
Sometimes we choose to judge others because we have an unsolved upset. Instead of directly addressing the issue, we become judgmental or passive-aggressive. Passive-aggressive behavior will have us become ultra-critical. From our perspective, this particular person can do nothing right (sound familiar). If you have an experience like this with someone, it's time to address the underlying issue that's getting in the way and motivating your judgment.
At times the upper limit is at play. When we are operating in the upper limit, we have a tolerance cap for how much happiness and joy we will allow ourselves to experience. When we start to feel more happiness and joy than we're used to experiencing, we become uncomfortable and fear that we'll become hurt or disappointed, or worse yet, someone will take advantage of us. This fear allows us to sabotage ourselves to get back to our baseline (our comfort zone or usual level of contentment).
Our upper limit issue will have us pick a fight with our partner right after having a joyful day. It may also allow us to judge or criticize a genuinely happy person who is at peace with themselves because we don't believe it is possible to be satisfied or at peace within ourselves.
3. Offer grace.
Please realize that we all doing the best we can with our current level of knowledge, insight, and experiences we've had thus far in life. You may be a little further ahead in your journey of understanding and compassion, or someone may be a little ahead of you, that's okay. I encourage you not to allow these differences in perspective to cause you to judge.
My spiritual mother, Iyanla Vanzant, often tells her students that you may be the only bible someone ever reads. If you judge a person who would benefit from your knowledge, you will be viewed as offputting, judgemental, and seen as "holier than thou". You also lessen the chance that they will benefit from anything you have to say.
Offer grace and compassion to yourself and others at all times. Offering gentleness and understanding is a sure-fire way to break the negative cycle of criticism and judgment.
Love to you always! ❤️
Danielle
