Freedom To Live And Love As I Choose

Our recent celebration of Juneteenth, Pride month, and the Fourth of July represents powerful, audacious, and bold declarations of freedom. When we declare our independence, we are no longer bound by other's false ideas of who we are, who we should love, how we should act, or how we should live.

We live in a time where it is more acceptable to express who we are and what matters most to us without losing our lives or livelihood. It is true that we still have quite a ways to go, but the tide is turning.

Freedom is defined as "the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint." It is also defined as the "absence of subjection to domination."

When I think about the big moves I've made in my life, such as starting my private practice, freedom is usually my guiding force. I started out working for agencies as a young therapist. When I started my family, I felt bound by the lack of freedom, from the long commute I traveled away from my children to the long hours I worked each day.

I had a deep desire to open my own counseling practice. I didn't know how it was going to happen. I was terrified of failing. Still, I knew I had to try. I wanted to feel free to see the clients I wanted and create a flexible schedule for myself and my family. This part of me would not allow me to settle for confining agency work.

At the time, my prayer partner gave me a metal with the word freedom on one side and an eagle on the other. This metal supported me in remembering the reason why I was willing to try. I kept it close to me at all times as I made the transition to private practice. My business was eventually birthed with a great deal of coaching, prayer, and emotional support.

I am still incredibly grateful to my husband for supporting my dream of private practice. He created a safe space for me to explore my fears and pursue my dream without judgment or criticism. We had no outward evidence that it would be successful. With his support and encouragement, I was able to realize my dream of building a successful business.

Our relationships flourish when we embrace freedom. We experience freedom when we are encouraged to develop ourselves inside and outside of our relationships.

Here are a few suggestions to free your partners and yourself in your relationships:

1. Create space for our partners to develop themselves in their way, cultivate friendships outside of the relationship.

It is also impossible for our partners to be our everything. Asking them to fulfill our every need can pressure them and cause unnecessary stress on the relationship. Cultivating healthy friendships outside of our relationships assists us in building a community of support, creating space in our relationships.

I believe that although two people come together to form a union, they are still two people. We each have a self that must be tended to. We must have space to develop and grow. We free ourselves and our partners when we individually take the time to do the things we enjoy. When we are overly concerned about how our changes will impact others, we stunt our growth. This behavior is seen in co-dependent relationships.

2. We encourage our partners to make changes to enhance their lives and grow as an individual.

Sometimes we can hold our partners back due to our own fears and insecurities. This often shows up as us asking them to never change. There is a significant setup in this request because change is inevitable. Life requires us to shift as we grow, learn, heal, miss the mark or accomplish our goals. It is therefore impossible to not change. We must hold space for our partners as they develop themselves, find new interests and pursue their dreams and heart's desires.

Perhaps your partner's life is feeling stagnant, and they are interested in taking up a new hobby or want to change their career. Being open to discussing their thoughts and feelings and creating the freedom to pursue change is essential. Communicating your own thoughts and feelings about change is equally important; however, the conversation shouldn't solely focus on how their evolution will affect you. We'll be talking more about communication next week.

3. Free yourself.

Although it is vital to make space for your partner's growth, it is equally essential for you to pursue your dreams and goals. Free yourself by exploring the things that matter in your life. Empower yourself by conquering your fears and creating space for your interests. Take time to support a cause that ignites your passion. Sacred relationships allow us the freedom to pursue the things that matter most to us. Give yourself permission to live fully!

Our blog post theme for July will be freedom! In the upcoming weeks, we will explore four constructs that create freedom in our relationships when appropriately used. They are:

1. Communication

2. Respect

3. Boundaries

4. Support

I look forward to exploring these concepts with you this month. In the meantime, enjoy every opportunity life gives you to celebrate and be blessed!

Love, ❤️

Danielle