Embracing Your Wholeness
A major lesson I have learned about love is that although relationships can be beautiful and fulfilling, they don't make us whole. When I was younger, a major misconception I held was that I was the "half" to someone else's "whole" and vise versa. This idea made me believe that I was not whole and could not be fulfilled unless I was in a romantic relationship (the lies we tell ourselves, right?)
You remember that line from the movie Jerry McGuire, when Jerry looked into Dorthy's eyes, and after his heartfelt monologue about his love for her, he closes with, "You complete me." Well, I fell for that line hook and sinker. This was a recipe for sweet disaster, and it was something I had to unlearn to create healthy relationships in my life. This led to me being a co-dependent mess in relationships. I'm happy to report that I am much better today, thank God!
The belief that someone "completes us" fosters co-dependence. In co-dependent relationships, we find value (or sense of wholeness) in our need to be taken care of or in taking care of others. There is an unhealthy mental, physical and emotional reliance on others because we do not believe that we are whole and can have a healthy sense of self while operating independently in the world.
Here are a few things I learned over the years that have supported me in breaking free from co-dependence and embracing my wholeness.
1.You are enough
Your goals, dreams, life, light, heart, vision, and purpose are enough. You as an individual are worthy and valuable simply because you exist. Therefore, no association or person can complete you. No relationship can make you whole because you are already whole. I encourage you to find fulfillment within yourself whether you are already in a relationship or not. We flourish when we know that outer circumstances and relationships do not define our worth. We are whole simply because we exist.
2.You have everything within you to create the life you desire.
In the past, I have devalued what I had to offer the world because I was single. Societal programming has this uncanny ability to make us believe things that are not true. Since I was a teenager, I knew that I wanted to be a therapist. I had a clearly laid out plan for my future that didn't involve a long-term relationship. I was focused on my career goals and had casual relationships, many of which had an expiration date of one year, tops! People would ask me, "When are you going to settle down?" As if being in a long-term relationship somehow validated me and the goals I had for my life. I started to believe that something was wrong with me because I was not focused on settling down.
The truth I came to learn was that my path was unique. I wasn't on the exact timetable or learning curve as anyone else, and that was perfectly fine. Today, I allow myself to understand and know that I have everything within me to be successful and that it is my inner world (my thoughts, attitudes, and beliefs) that define my success, not my outer world or opinions of others. I find comfort and the clarity to move forward in my life in my own unique way. Remembering that I am whole and trusting my wholeness brings me comfort and peace when I need them most.
3.Take time to explore, develop and celebrate your unique talents and gifts.
Take time to develop what makes you uniquely you and celebrate it. We are each created by God with unique talents, abilities, and gifts. We are born with everything we need within us. Our skills and gifts bring us joy and lead us on the path to fulfilling our purpose.
You may know already know the gifts and unique talents you possess. If you do, make room for them by creating time to explore and create and play. If you don't know your unique gifts, think about the things that come naturally to you and bring joy to you and others. It may be service, music, cooking, writing, dancing, etc. Whatever you enjoy doing, make time to do it and see the value in what you have to offer the world. Make time to explore and celebrate your wholeness.
Love, peace, and blessings,
Danielle ❤️
