Coping With Holiday Grief
When we've lost a loved one, we may dread the season of holidays – Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza, and New Year's.
I definitely did when my mother made her transition eight years ago. I couldn't fathom living life without her. The idea of celebrating anything without her was out of the question. She wasn't just my mother; she was my best friend. I struggled through the first few years. Grief counseling and the support of my family and friends helped tremendously.
The holidays come with the expectation of happiness and joy, but what do we do when we're feeling neither?
"Your absence is loud this holiday season."
- David Kessler
The anticipation of the holidays, especially in the first year or two after losing a loved one through death, estrangement, or separation, will come with many emotional ups and downs. It is normal to have anxiety and fears about this time of year. Planning ahead can lessen some of the stress and pain of the holiday season.
Here are a few tips to support you in navigating through this challenging time.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Don't get caught up in the fear of "doing it wrong."
Others may not understand your grief process, and that doesn't make it or right or wrong.
Your emotions may be amplified during the holidays, and you may not be able to turn them on and off. Allow yourself the time and space to feel and experience your feelings without judgment.
Communication with others is helpful. Find someone you feel comfortable talking to and share your heart.
Be gentle with yourself and give yourself permission to not live up to everyone else's expectations.
Be attentive to and respect your needs.
Plan ahead. Trust your instincts and only do those things that feel right to you. Communicate your needs openly to your family and friends.
Changing routines that are part of your tradition may be supportive. Consider changing things such as the time of gift exchange and opening of gifts, the special meal together, and/or when you attend services.
Honor your loved one in a meaningful way. Light a candle, place a special ornament on the tree or memento in your home in memory of your loved one.
Delegate or accept the offer of others to help wrap gifts, address cards, shop, or clean – it could be a meaningful gift that is mutually beneficial.
Consider and decide which party invitations you wish to accept. Don't force yourself to be social before you are ready.
The need to talk about your thoughts and feelings may be greater at this time. Do not isolate yourself; you may find it helpful to allow others to support you through this difficult time.
Realize that you can change your mind. If earlier decisions don't feel right as the holidays get closer, don't follow through. Listen to your heart and follow your intuition.
Join a grief group or seek grief counseling if the weight of your grief feels too heavy to bear.
Sending love and prayers of comfort to all who are missing our loved ones this holiday season.
May we enter this season with gentleness, compassion, and grace.
Danielle ❤️
